This is a throwaway account. As I don't want this getting back to anyone in my family for obvious reasons. Ive also made a few edits to clarify some things that I forgot to mention to help explain. AITA for refusing to attend my sister’s wedding after what I overheard her say about me?

I (26F) need an outside perspective because my entire family is split and I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting or finally standing up for myself! My sister “Emily” (30F) is getting married in 2 months. Growing up, we were never super close, she was always the golden child, (if you know you know) and I was kind of...just there. Not ignored per say,, but definitely NOT celebrated the same way etc. Still I agreed to be a bridesmaid bc my mom BEGGED me and saidit would “mean the world” to Emily. Planning has been stressful, but nothing crazy, until last weekend.... Emily had a small bachelorette weekend at an airbnb. There were 7 of us total. And on the 2nd night, I went upstairs early bc I had a headache and wasnt feeling well. Around midnight I realized I left my charger downstairs so I went back down, quietly tho bc I didn't want to wake anyone who may have been asleep. That’s when I overheard Emily talking to her maid of honor. She didn’t know I was on the stairs. She was drunk, laughing, and said: “I only asked her to be a bridesmaid so my mom would shut up. She's always ruining things anyway. I swear to god if she shows up looking for attention I’ll LOSE it!" Her friend laughed and said something like “Well, at least you’ll look better next to her soo.” Emily said “Exactly. It’s kind of a win win.” I froze..... I felt like I couldn’t breathe. For context: I’ve struggled with my confidence for years, especially compared to Emily. She KNOWSbthis. She’s made comments my whole life about my weight, my hair, my clothes and has always framed it as “helpful advice.” I went back upstairs and didn’t say anything the rest of the weekend.

When we got home I sent her a message saying I was stepping down as a bridesmaid and wouldn’t be attending the wedding. I didn’t explain why at first, I just said I needed space and wished her the best. (Edit for clarification) But after I stepped down she kept pushing for a reason, and why I stepped down and that it didn't make sense and that I was once again being dramatic as always. I didn’t tell her exactly what I heard, but I did tell her that I overheard a conversation at the bachelorette party that really hurt me. She put two and two together on her own after that. Then she lost it! She called me crying, saying I was purposefully sabotaging her big day, that I was being dramatic, that “everyone says things they don’t mean when they’re drunk.” smh. My mom called me next and said I was punishing the whole family over a misunderstanding. My dad says I should “be the bigger person.”

Here’s where it gets worse. Yesterday, Emily posted in the bridesmaids group chat (that I forgot I was still in) that she’s “heartbroken” I’m abandoning her and that she “never meant to hurt me.” But she NEVER apologized. Not once. Now half my family is texting me saying I’m selfish, and the other half is telling me I finally did what they wish they had the courage to do. I haven’t responded to anyone yet. AITA for refusing to go to her wedding after overhearing that conversation? I'm conflicted and don't know what to do. And part of me is telling myself that Iam.

*edit: Im going to take some of your alls advice! I will update soon.

UPDATE: So firstly I want to say I don't really know how to update so I am doing it this way. Sorry if its not right. But WOW. I did not expect my post to blow up the way it did, and I’ve read almost everyones comments, and I wanted to clarify a few things and give an update because things have escalated and very quickly. First, thank you to everyone who validated that what I overheard wasn’t “nothing.” I genuinely started questioning my own sanity after my family got involved its been rough and I've been drained. Now for the update. Emily showed up at my apartment unannounced about an hourish ago. Like Jesus can it get any worse. I was ignoring all of her calls and text so she thought this would be the next best thing to do. Like WHAT. She said she wanted to “talk like adults” and “clear the air.” Well, against my better judgment I let her in. At first she cried....A lot. (This is the usual go to just want to say)She said she felt attacked and that I am being unreasonable and that I'm trying to turn our family against her. Which IS NOT at all what is happening. I let her speak until then, then I asked her directly if she remembered what she said at the bachelorette party, and she went quiet and just stared at me, it was awkward as heck. After that awkward long pause she admitted she remembered it, BUT said I “took it out of context"!!!!! According to her, she didn’t mean that I always ruin things just that I “stress her out” because I’m “sensitive” and “need reassurance.”She said the comment about my looks was “obviously a joke” and that her friend “didn’t mean it that way.” I swear to god. It took everything in me not to LOOSE MY SH.T. I asked her WHY, if it was "harmless", did she never apologize????? She said, and I’m not exaggerating, “Because apologizing would mean I did something wrong, and I didn’t.” ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? That’s when I told her I wasn’t coming to the wedding, PERIOD! And that she needed to leave my place NOW before I did something i regret (yes i know i let my anger get the best of me) She snapped.She accused me of being jealous of her life, her relationship, and the attention she’s getting. She said I’ve “always played the victim” and that this was just another example. Then she said something that honestly broke whatever was left of our relationship “You should be grateful I even included you. People would notice if you weren’t there.” I told her to leave, GTFO now, and that she was vile human being and she got uo slammed my door and left. Now 20ish minutes ago my mom called me screaming! Apparently Emily told her I attacked HER, that I called her a narcissist, and that I threatened to “ruin the wedding.”None of that is true! But my mom will NOT listen to me no matter what i say, its like talking to a brick wall and it hurts. My cousin (who was also at the bachelorette weekend) texted me, im talking with her now. She said she overheard the same conversation I did but even more was said than what I had heard. According to her Emily also complained that I’d “look bad in photos" said she hoped I wouldn’t “get emotional and cry,” and joked about putting me at the end of the bridesmaid line so I’d be easier to CROP OUT!! Like I genuinely don't know how to handle my emotions rightnow. My cousin is apologizing for not telling me sooner and said she feels sick about it now. So… yeah. As of now I’m officially not attending the wedding, Emily has blocked me (good riddance honestly) My mom says I’ve “destroyed the family” which I feel guilty for but like what else am I supposed to do?? AND I’m being uninvited from future family events unless I “fix this” I still feel awful, but I don’t feel wrong. I guess I will update more tomorrow or whenever I can. Sleeping tonight is going to be rough. Im being blown up and just need a dam.n break.

Link to 1st post

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/ZhbxIP59LH

My (31f) husband (33m) has barely spoken to his mom (63f) since that day. My husband has apologized to me several times for what happened.

But I wasn't the only one fed up MIL. A wife "Jane" (27f) of one of my husband's siblings held her tongue about MIL comments on her weight until Jane couldn't stand it anymore.

I wasn't there but Jane told MIL that MIL has the old lady smell after MIL made a comment about her weight. Jane said that in front of a lot of people. Jane specifically video chatted me so we could talk about it. Jane was so proud of herself for doing that. So I'm not the only one who has a probem with MIL.

I think it will become obvious that my sister and I have taken very different paths in life. I love her very much but she is not well. I have had custody of my niece since she was six months old. My sister is going to jail for at least the next seven years. She is ineligible for parole for that long. So that's a minimum.

My niece's name is s perfect example of my sister's thought process. Honest to God she named her Synnamin. Pronounced cinnamon.

I have had my sister's parental rights severed. My parents and her fought me on it. Don't care. My parents have never contributed to her upbringing. But they have given lots of unwanted advice.

I adopted my daughter and changed her name to Simone. My parents think I'm being cruel to my sister. What my sister thinks is not allowed here. The filters told me that particular obscenity wasn't part of posts here. It starts with a c. Try it yourself if you don't believe me.

So I feel completely justified in changing her name. I do not think I'm wrong. I am not looking for validation. I want to know if I'm missing something that my parents and sister can't communicate coherently.

So I 24(m) and my gf 23 (f) want to take things to the next step. I genuinely don’t mind, I would be down the only issue is my partner has a lot of debt that she hasn’t even started working on. To be clear she has 197k in debt and she’s pushing me to pay for this along with our rings. I don’t mind spending money on her when it’s a date but taking care of her debt and her not wanting to put forth money for her debt and wanting outrageous rings is a little much for me. I’ve been told by her that if I won’t do it someone else will and I don’t know where I stand with that. I’ve spoken to her that she goes on trips at least 1-2 times a year and she did the most expensive things for college leading up to 197k in debt. I have no issue supporting her but for her to not put money towards it is a lot for me. I chose the cheaper route, I went to community college and then a 4 year and after my job would pay for my masters. So I’d be down like 25k max after all my schooling. Aitah for not being able/hesitant for paying her debt and not wanting to spend a fortune on her ring.

I live in the NE area and it's wintertime so it's chilly out there.

I was at a restaurant the other night with five other friends and we were put at a table that is near a door that leads to the outside seating area (obviously, it is currently unused). I've been to this place several times before and at that table specifically because of the view of the TV's. We were just having drinks and apps and there was a group with Mom, nanny and 6 kids ages 8-12. I don't know if they were all related or not but it seemed like they were just friends with each other.

After they ate and Mom was a few drinks in, the kids decide they want to play outside while Mom polishes off another round. Unfortunately, they go out the patio door that I am seated near and they continue going in and out sporadically, each time the cold air just blasts in to my table. One of my party goes over to Mom and asks her to ask the children to not use that door and go through the front door, instead and Mom says, yeah, sure. Of course the kids keep running in and out the patio door, cold air blasting me every time. I had enough so the next kid that came to the door, I yelled at him and told him to stop and go out the front door. When he asks why, I told him that it's cold out and the air is hitting me. When the next kid came to the door from the outside, I pulled the door closed and told them all to go in the front door. I turned to Mom and told her that this is a restaurant and not a playground. She seemed embarrassed and a few minutes later, she walked out with the kids in tow.

AITAH for yelling at them?

Edit: For those asking if staff were involved: yes, we talked to the waitress and she engaged the manager and the manager went and talked to the table. The staff was very light that night so they couldn't really police the area and the door.

Also, I say I yelled but it was more of a raised voice so that the first kid would hear me while running. I didn't want them to stop playing outside, they're entitled to play outside and I offered the alternative to go out the front door instead of the side door right next to my table.

My brother has two kids, 6 and 4, and I live close by, so I’ve been babysitting a lot. It started as a favor here and there, then turned into most weekends. I didn’t hate it, but it’s stressful. The older one ignores me, the younger cries if I leave the room, and once my brother came back almost two hours late without texting. When I mentioned it, he said “sorry” while already grabbing his keys. I stood there holding one of the kids’ shoes, not sure what to say.

Last weekend we were at my parents’ house, and my brother casually asked if I could take the kids again. I hesitated and said “maybe,” even though I didn’t want to. Later, while loading the dishwasher, he asked again. I don’t know why I chose that moment, but I said, “I don’t think I’m comfortable babysitting anymore.” He froze, laughed like I was joking, then stopped when I didn’t laugh back. The dishwasher started beeping and no one moved for a second.

I said it was a lot and I didn’t like being responsible for them, which came out harsher than I meant. He said “okay” in a flat way and didn’t talk to me much after that. The next day his wife texted saying they were hurt and thought I loved spending time with the kids. I do, but I also feel relieved not having it expected of me anymore. Now things feel awkward, and I keep replaying that moment in my head. So, AITA?

I’m Muslim and I grew up in a fairly conservative Muslim family (by western standards, at least). So that meant that nobody batted an eyelash when my brother was publicly dating multiple women of multiple races and religions but when it came out that I was dating someone it was a huge shit show.

I started dating my husband when I was 24 and honestly my brother reacted the worst out of everyone in my family, even my dad wasn’t as upset as he was. That was partly because I was his “baby sister” and partly because my husband was one of his closest friends. My brother spent a lot of time trying to break us up and threatening to disown me. The situation was so bad that I eventually had no choice but to move in with my husband which was another shit show that caused my parents to stop speaking to me for 6 months.

A few months before my wedding my brother and husband became friends again. It was like nothing happened the last few years but my brother has continued to treat me differently. He’s not rude or anything but he treats me like my husband’s wife and not his sister which actually really hurts. My parents have both spoken to him and tried to get him to stop but it’s gotten to the point where they won’t invite us both over at the same time because they know how much his behaviour is hurting my feelings. My husband has spoken to him too and sometimes he’ll treat me better but it never lasts long.

So my husband frequently has his friends over which 9/10 times includes my brother. Not only is his behaviour hurtful but it’s also very embarrassing to have him treat me like a practical stranger in my own home in front of their friends. I’ve accepted that he’s not planning to change and so I no longer want him over as much. I’ve told my husband he can only invite his friends if he excludes my brother or they needed to find somewhere else to spend their time which has caused multiple fights between us. His entire argument is that if I force him to exclude my brother it’ll just make things worse (a big reason my brother even speaks to me is because he values his friendship with my husband too much to be completely rude to me) but I’m just tired of this shit. I can easily avoid interacting with my brother and my husband’s friends when they’re here but don’t think that’s the point.

WIBTA if I continue to stand my ground on this?

This is as straightforward as it gets. My girlfriend does not like it when I pee in the shower.

She says it’s disgusting and she doesn’t want to step on it. I tried explaining to her that I make sure to let the running water and soap wash it all away but she wouldn’t have it.

In my personal opinion, it’s nonsense to get out of the shower when the urge overcomes you. I would make the entire floor wet to skedaddle over to the toilet and waste gallons of water to flush.

I tried asking my friends and they’ve told me it’s normal but I fear they’re biased due to their dislike for my girlfriend.

I am aware that this problem is mundane and not entertaining like the other posts here, but I would appreciate feedback.

Edit 1: a comment told me to add in the post that I have chronic UTIs. It hurts a little when I hold it in and I get the urge to pee often

Edit 2: I lather the entire floor with shampoo and soap before I rinse it off with the shower head. Then dry everything with a towel afterwards when I step out.

Edit 3: She found out I do it because she saw a guy pee in the shower in a movie. She jokingly asked me if I pee in the shower too. I said yes and she got very upset. She never knew in the last 2 years we dated.

Edit 4: I shower alone. Never pee when I’m in the shower with her.

Edit 5: Final conclusion. The vast majority of the comments say it’s NTA. I do see it now too. I understand some people find it gross and it’s okay to find it gross. But I will not accommodate my gf because the comments helped me realise it’s not an issue with hygiene, but control. She’s a hypocrite since she has soft fur rugs all over the bathroom and a mink fur carpet IN FRONT of the toilet where she flushes with open lids, and a soft mink fur toilet seat. She’s a hypocrite

Hey guys, it’s me again. I’m gonna keep this short and sweet.

Ever since I was a child I’ve been taking care of my older brother who is heavily autistic. He’s verbal, and can make himself simple food and dress himself, but he can’t be on his own. My entire childhood was pretty much making sure he didn’t get himself into trouble. Our grandmother took “care” of us, but really she was just collecting a paycheck.

When I turned 20 she kicked me out of the house because she wasn’t really getting money from me anymore, but I looked at it as a blessing in disguise. At 21 I bought my own co-op however I wasn’t really able to enjoy it as around that time. My great grandmother could no longer take care of herself. Since I had a spare bedroom, I let her move in with me rather than letting her move into a home. Fast-forward 15 years to now and while my great grandmother is still with us she’s on her way out. Make no mistake. I have no problem taking care of her for the past 15 years, but a part of me is looking forward to finally being alone.

But now I’m hearing whispers that my grandmother is talking about she’s getting too old to properly care for my brother so people in the family are thinking that I’ll take him after my great grandmother dies. I don’t want to do this. I have no animosity towards my brother, I love him to death. But I haven’t been able to be by myself at all. I’m honestly tired of always having to take care of other people and for once I just wanna be by myself if only for a while.

So Reddit. AITAH? If you need any more information, feel free to message me

I (23f) am fluent in 3 languages, two of which I taught myself how to speak, it is one of the achievements that I used to be proudest of. Ever since I have been with my husband (26m) he’s always either made fun of me for accidentally mispronouncing words in English (my third language, his only language) or making small errors here and there, and eventually that devolved to him making this one particular joke that he got from his dad. Any time we argue and I no longer want to keep talking he’ll say in this super sarcastic manner “how can you speak three languages and you ain’t got sh!t to say in any of them?”. If this was a rare occurrence I wouldn’t have any issues with it, I can “take a joke” as he puts it. But it is constant and I have been asking him to stop making fun of me or only using this achievement to put me down during arguments because it makes me hate the fact that I speak multiple languages. I have explained to him how it makes me no longer proud of myself for it and how it hurts me that despite me asking him to stop, he’s still doing it now 4.5 years into our relationship. He keeps telling me that words don’t mean anything, and that the solution to this problem is if I just stop letting words affect me. I think the solution is for him to respect my wishes and stop making these specific jokes, it’s not like I’m asking him to stop joking all together, just about this particular topic.

So am I the asshole for expecting him to stop joking about my achievements?

Prior to my wife and I trying for our first, we spoke with both sets of parents and said would they have any interest in helping with watching their grandkids until preschool starts? Both were over the moon excited, all 4 fully retired, and they all said absolutely! The plan was to trade off weeks so they know their schedule for booking their own appointments, etc.

Wife gets pregnant and around 10 weeks post-birth shes getting ready to transition back to work and her parents said they've changed their minds and decided to travel more and want to enjoy their elder years. Ummm, ok. My parents did their absolute best to pick up inlaws slack but daily childcare was too much with my wife and I working full time so we ended up with my parents watching on Mondays and Wednesdays, paying for child care on Tuesdays and Thursdays and my wife and I working half days on Fridays to handle that. With my parents taking the Friday whenever we needed them too. They're incredible!

It was very frustrating to have inlaws say one thing and do the opposite. In 6 years, they've never once watched any of our kids for a single day.

So my wife and I bought a house about a week ago. They're over checking it out as we're unboxing and my FIL sees this house has a 1st fl Master with full bath. He turns to MIL and says "oh thank God, we wont have to do stairs." I said "come again?" MIL says of my wife and her two siblings, we are doing by far the best and it would make the most sense for them to live with us, as they're in their 70s and a house is becoming too much for them already.

I audibly laughed hard and loud and said "Hell would freeze before you live here." Which was met by shock from both of them. I explained that when we needed their help, they turned their backs so we were simply doing the same. My wife agreed. She expressed how expensive and how difficult it was with zero help from one side of our "village". That was their call but we were now returning the favor.

They're incredibly upset and hurt over this revelation. Were we TA for this stance? I dont think so at all but if the votes are a bloodbath I'll reconsider as we have the space.

My wife became abusive, mostly verbally and emotionally after our kids were born. I endured it for 12 years because I didn't wanna leave the kids. Now my tolerance for her became zero. So I just started saying to her ks for you", "oh no!!" , "well thats really sucks" type of dismissive statements whenever she started yelling or being disrespectful. I basically refused to talk to her seriously when she was being anything but respectful.

It obviously didn't really worked and she would just storm out when I didn't take her seriously.. Then she hit me for the first time. Right on my face, very hard.

After that I started recording her. I stopped being snarky and just ignored her when she was being abusive and sure enough hit me again. I didn't get the courage to go to the police until she hit me again 2 more times.

She was immediately arrested and eventually took the plea deal. She is now serving 2 years sentence. My daughter is not happy with me. She refused to stay with me and now lives with my parents. I have basically left the door open for her if she wants to come back.

Most of my friends and family say that I overreacted and should have asked for their help and they could have resolved it without going to police.

I donno .

Hi, first time posting but I need the community's judgement on this because I'm starting to to question my sanity.

My husband (we're both around 30) brought home an old empty aquarium he wished to renovate and fill. It was taken from a friend who wanted to dispose of it anyways so my husband just took it. He claimed it was free (this is important).

This was about 2.5 months ago and since then it has not moved from our entry hall to the house. I didn't like that he brought another large thing (cca 1.2m x 1m x 0.4m, HxWxD in total, with old wooden stand beneath it) home because we BOTH struggle with keeping the place tidy and decluttered and I knew how's it going to end - it's going to sit there and gather dust.

So I tried to nip this in the bud and I said to him that he had until Jan 1, 2026 (cca 2.5 months) to clean it up and utilize it otherwise I'll throw it out. He agreed to this. I kept reminding him every few weeks and I specifically reminded him 1-2 days before New Year's Day that the deadline is coming and I'm going to throw it out next time I have the occasion. (also mind you he had almost two weeks of vacation around the holidays - he had the time).

So yeah, the first weekend after the new year my husband is out of home and busy recording music. My parents came to visit and they offered to take the aquarium and the stand and recycle them. So I said yes because they are much better at actually executing cleanup than I am and I also wanted to keep to the agreement (I tend to be very lenient with ultimatums, this time I really wanted to keep to my word).

Now I know I should have phoned my husband and tell him that we're about to throw that thing out, yes, and I apologized to him when he mentioned it but I reminded him several times that the deadline is coming up... I also didn't want to disturb him during recording.

So, when he found out he said my parents and I had no right throwing it out and then said that I owe him around $250. You see this is the amount of money my husband 'left' to the friend who owed him some money before (no idea how to phrase it better, the friend owed my husband money and my husband decided to let $250 worth of the debt go in exchange for the aquarium? Mind you, the friend WANTED TO GIVE THE AQUARIUM FOR FREE). And then when I wanted to call my parents to stop them from dismantling the thing he forbid me to call them. He blames his inactivity with the renovation on his workload, but it was over two months and the aquarium just stood there...

This came around today again, he's still pissed at me and now demands I send him $500 for some reason. He said he wants to build an aquarium now and I owe him the money for it and that he's going to start throwing my stuff out if it bothers him... I kept repeating to him that we had an agreement but he keeps shifting the goalposts and is overall pissy about it.

I feel like I did my best to communicate my intent and I feel like I have to stand my ground about this agreement we had. So AITAH for throwing the aquarium out and standing my ground after?

Update: Thanks everyone for sharing your views on this. Just to preface this, my husband came of his own volition and apologized to me for his behaviour a few moments ago. I'm not saying he's off the hook but he's remorseful.

And don't worry, I wouldn't pay him anything anyway, I threw him out of the room with the suggestion. I'm not a pushover (at least not in this regard). But I'll definitely move some of my more precious things out of the common space, that's a good suggestion, thanks for that :)

AITA for refusing to co-sign paperwork for my boyfriend’s bankruptcy lawyer?

I (24F) am still in school and work part-time. My boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for about a year.

Recently, he asked me if I would be willing to co-sign paperwork so his lawyer could initiate a Chapter 7 bankruptcy. At first, he told me there were no credit pulls and that I wouldn’t owe anything. I didn’t fully understand what I was being asked to sign, so I asked for a day to research and think about it.

After looking into it, I learned that while I wouldn’t be co-signing the bankruptcy itself, I would be legally guaranteeing his attorney’s fees (about $2,300). If he didn’t pay, I would be responsible. Because I’m still in school, don’t make much money, and felt uncomfortable signing something legally binding, I told him no.

He was very surprised that I didn’t say yes immediately. He said he thought I would say yes “for sure” and didn’t expect me to be so firm. We ended up arguing for a couple hours. He has a deadline with the lawyer, so he kept pushing, saying he didn’t feel like he could depend on me when he really needed someone. He said he didn’t want his family or brother to know because of the stigma around bankruptcy, and that I was the only person he trusted enough to ask.

He also told me that the way I said no bothered him more than the no itself. He said I’ve relied on him financially in the past, even when he didn’t have much, and implied that this should matter. He kept saying there was “no risk” and that he would never screw me over. He promised he would pay off all the lawyer fees and plans to save $10,000 after filing and be extremely frugal so he’s never in debt again.

During the argument, he also said he thinks he’s better with money than me (even though he’s currently filing bankruptcy), that I “don’t really get it,” and that after filing he doesn’t plan on spending money on me anymore because he wants to penny-pinch. At one point, he said maybe a different girlfriend would have signed for him.

I love him and genuinely want to help him, but I don’t think signing a legally binding document is “nothing,” especially at this stage of my life. I feel like I set a reasonable boundary, but now I’m questioning myself because he seems hurt and disappointed and keeps framing it as me not being dependable.

So… AITA for saying no and refusing to co-sign?

I (33F) have been with my boyfriend (35M) for about 6 months. About 3 months into the relationship, he moved into my apartment (fairly quickly) because he lost his driver’s license and his job is close to my place. I thought I could help him out and make things convenient so I offered him to stay at my house.

After we’d been living together for about a month and things were going very well, I asked if he could start contributing at least some portion of the rent (I rent a one bedroom apartment). He said he couldn’t because he financially supports his family paying their rent and bills, as they’re older immigrants and don’t really have a way to support themselves, so he pays rent for their family house, which is quite a lot of money. When I told him that I feel that it’s unfair him not paying his half, he said he is contributing by paying for meals when we eat out, buying groceries, and paying for high-speed internet (the more expensive internet was installed mainly because he wanted it for gaming). He sounded very defensive and said that since I want him to pay and since he can’t, he’s happy to move out.

While I empathize with his family situation, I’m uncomfortable with the fact that he lives in my apartment without paying anything toward the rent. Paying for meals and groceries doesn’t feel equivalent, and the internet feels more like something he wanted rather than a shared necessity.

Aside from this issue, he’s very sweet and caring, and our relationship is good, which makes this very hard for me. I don’t think he’s intentionally taking advantage of me, but the financial imbalance this early in the relationship makes me uneasy.

AITA for expecting him to contribute to rent given his situation?

edit: He used to live with his parents in the house he’s still paying for while living with me. So he has a place to live.

edit: His license was taken away for several months cause of speeding. He got it back a few weeks ago.

My wife (we are both in our mid forties) has a habit of giving things to our kids. This upsets me when its something I've picked out and given to her.

For example, she loves those soft plushes called Squishmellows, so last year for her birthday I got her the biggest one I could find. She has neck and back issues, so I thought it could her her sleep more comfortably. Our 7yo son decided he liked it, and it has been in his bed ever since.

Recently I picked her up one of our favorite pastries as a little treat. Our teenage son likes them as well. He saw it and asked if he could have it, and my wife said yes, so our son ended up eating the dessert I'd gotten for her.

My reasoning is twofold: One, I'm hurt that she so easily gives away things that I got specifically for her. I feel it shows a lack of consideration for the thought and effort I put into them. Two, I think she needs to set boundaries with our kids, and learn that it's OK to tell them "no." There's nothing wrong with saying, "I know that you like that, but Dad got it for me to have. Next time, maybe Dad can get two so we can each have one."

My wife feels that a gift is a gift, and once it's given, the recipient if free to do whatever they like with it, including giving it to someone else. She's also very generous and very proud of being a mother, and would rather make our kids happy than herself. She does know this bothers me and has apologized for it. But she also says that she hates saying "no" to the kids and feels guilty when she doesn't, and that I should support her decision.

I know this is a pretty minor issue and it's not like we're going to divorce over it, but I still want to know: AITAH here?

EDIT: To all those calling my kids selfish or entitled, they often don't ask for anything. Usually, my wife will offer it to them without them asking:

"Ooh, a cupcake!"

"Yes, would you like it?"

EDIT 2: To those saying that she doesn't like the gifts, there have been times where she specifically asked for certain things, but still gave them to the kids because she felt guilty.

Here's my first post here if you haven't seen it:

AITAH for telling my stepdaughter I don't want to be her mom anymore? : r/AITAH

Hello guys, this might not be the update some of you were hoping for, but it is probably the one most of you expected. This is extremely long. (So feel free to skip the context and get straight into the update.)

Before I start the update, I want to give some context about Ella’s mother and my relationship with her. For the sake of the post and convenience, I will call Ella’s mother Lori.

CONTEXT:

Lori and I are not on good terms. Back when Lori and Josh were together, I was actually friends with Josh. We never saw each other romantically at the time, and our relationship was completely platonic. After a while, Lori started to feel bothered by my friendship with Josh. Instead of talking to me directly, she started asking around about me. She eventually got information through my ex-boyfriend, and once she found out I was a former porn actress, she flipped out. She accused me of trying to seduce her boyfriend and called me a wh*re and a homewrecker, trashing me to some of Josh’s and my mutual friends.

Josh eventually broke up with her after she started threatening me with violence, and they became single co parents to Ella.

AND JUST TO CLARIFY. I never had an affair with Josh.

Around 2014-2015, Lori started dating a new guy. Not long after, she quickly moved in with him, exposing Ella to her new boyfriend against Josh’s wishes. Lori’s boyfriend was extremely sketchy, and because of that, Josh constantly argued with her about Ella’s safety around him. Josh would often threaten to keep Ella away from Lori, and after each threat, Josh would not hear back from Lori for weeks, despite Ella’s eagerness to see her mom.

Even after all the boundaries Lori crossed, Josh stayed faithful to his promise not to introduce me to Ella until we were engaged. When we finally did meet, Ella and I became close. This angered Lori, as she did not want a “homewrecker” in her daughter’s life. She also resented the fact that Josh proposed to me after two years of dating, while he never proposed to her during all their years together.

One day, while picking Ella up from our home, she started an argument with Josh. The argument quickly turned violent, and she smacked him in the face. Josh snapped and told her she was not allowed to come to his house again, or he would call the police.

Lori left angrily and decided to leave Ella at our house instead of picking her up, as planned. When Josh tried to contact her later, he realized he was blocked everywhere. Months later, he found out that she had secretly married her sketchy boyfriend without informing anyone.

Even though Josh’s messages would not go through, Ella would sometimes reach out to her mother and actually get a response. Despite that, her mother never made an effort to meet with her until 2024, which is when my husband started setting up dates so that her mother could see her again.

Now that the context is out of the way, here is what happened recently:

UPDATES:

1. My husband spoke to Lori about her role in all of this. Many commenters pointed out that Ella was being influenced by her mother, which turned out to be true. Lori admitted to my husband that she told Ella I was cheating on him. She also told Ella about my past to sell the idea that I sleep around a lot. My husband was incredibly upset and called her miserable and insecure. He apparently unleashed hell on her, and she blocked him once again.

2. My stepdaughter is living at home again. She showed up at our door with a handwritten note apologizing to me for everything. Even though I was still very hurt about her New Year's stunt, I could not help but feel a bittersweet emotion that made me cry hard. In the note, she talked about all the feelings she had kept in for so long. She wrote about how she cried when she found out I was cheating on her dad. She wrote about how she mourned the end of our relationship and how upset she was for her father, going on about how she was stupid to believe her mother. She also wrote that she always loved me, but felt like, with her mother in her life, she was forced to choose. Even though she thought of me as her real mother at heart, she felt like she should side with her mom because she is blood.

I asked her to explain the note to me, and together with my husband, we sat down and talked. It was extremely emotional for all of us, and even my husband started tearing up. Being able to finally cry and tell her how deeply her distance hurt me felt relieving. It went better than I imagined, and I no longer felt anger toward her. I still had some leftover resentment, and I will not pretend otherwise, but I felt good about the conversation.

She stayed the night, and the next morning, things were a little awkward but tolerable. After a day of awkwardness, we had another conversation about her mother. She told me she did not want to cut her mother off completely, but she planned to distance herself for a while. I brought up family therapy, as some of you suggested, but she told me it was not something she was interested in, which I respected. We are currently on awkward but civil speaking terms. I am not sure things will ever be the same, but I am optimistic that they could improve.

1. I reached out to Josh’s parents this morning with Josh beside me on the phone. They apologized in a strange, halfhearted way. They said they do not agree with my past, but they did apologize for saying I was cheating on my husband. Josh’s dad also apologized to Josh for using hurtful words toward him. They never apologized for calling me degrading names, which irritated me, but for now, I will take it as a win.

2. A lot of comments were bashing Josh for how he handled the phone call. I wasn't extremely upset about it before, but after reading a lot of comments i did kind of realize what a jerk move it was. I spoke to him about it, and he apologized. He thought it would be wise to let Ella hear the consequences of her actions, but did not expect me to say I didn't want to be her mother anymore.

I forgave him, as he did what he thought was best at the time, and honestly, I had also made a huge mistake by saying I didn't want to be Ella's mother anymore. I signed up for the role when I got married to her father. So I don't and will not hold that brief moment against him, when I was guilty of a mistake as well.

But honestly, that's it. I tried to give enough context so things would not be too confusing. I apologize for the grammatical mistakes in my last post and probably this post. I'm trying not to use any ai for the editing, so it won't be perfect.

I am not sure there will be anything else to update after this. But, thank you to everyone who made it this far, and thank you to all the people who took an interest in my life. :)

I (24F) moved out of my parents’ house after years of anxiety and emotional distress, and now I’m being made to feel like I’m wrong for how I handled it.

Growing up, my dad was emotionally volatile. He would yell over small things, threaten my siblings with being kicked out, and sometimes break objects when angry. I grew up walking on eggshells and developed panic attacks. My mom rarely intervened and often enabled his behavior to avoid conflict. Emotional issues were usually ignored or minimized.

My siblings are about 10 years older than me. One moved out after repeated threats and didn’t speak to my parents for years. I promised myself that if my dad ever threatened me the same way, I would leave.

As an adult, I was still treated like a child. I needed permission to go out, had early curfews (even at 21), and was often made to feel guilty for school, work, or seeing friends. I eventually went on medication for depression and anxiety.

The incident:

After spending the Fourth of July with my long term boyfriend’s family, I planned to go thrift shopping with a friend for a couple of hours. When I told my parents, my dad became angry, accused me of “always being out,” and escalated into yelling. He told me I should “just move out” (the second time he’d said this). I canceled my plans and had a panic attack.

That was the moment I realized nothing was changing.

Over the next two weeks, I quietly planned to move in with my boyfriend (we’ve been together since 2018). I didn’t tell my parents immediately because I was scared of another blowup.

The day before I moved, I told them. My dad talked over me, made inappropriate comments about my virginity and my future, and insisted my boyfriend should “ask for his blessing,” which felt demeaning. I repeatedly said this was my decision.

The next day, I moved out and left a detailed letter explaining why. I said I wasn’t abandoning them, but protecting my mental health. I asked for accountability if we were to have a relationship going forward, made it clear my sister and boyfriend were not responsible, and left money to cover remaining bills.

After I moved:

My dad has not contacted me at all.

My mom sends messages saying she misses me, old photos, and birthday money, but has never acknowledged or apologized for what I wrote. When I asked directly for both of them to reflect and apologize, she stopped responding. She says they’re “waiting for me to be ready to talk,” which feels like the responsibility is being shifted onto me.

I’ve said I’m open to talking, but only after acknowledgment and accountability. I don’t want to pretend nothing happened.

AITA for moving out this way and asking for an apology before resuming a relationship?

A little over 4 months ago I let a friend temporarily move in with me. She had broken up with her bf and he wasn’t accepting it, she said she didn’t feel safe staying in the apartment with him. I'm a DV victim myself and I know how scary it is when someone is actively hunting you to hurt you. She had a job, promised she would look for a new place on her own, and help pay monthly expenses. She was worried about leaving her dog behind. I understood this fear because when I left, my ex killed my cat.  My landlord said if she paid the monthly pet fee and deposit, the dog could stay despite not usually allowing that breed.

Within a month she quit her job. She said she was too depressed to work with the public and would be looking for a WFH job. I gave her two months. She wasn’t cleaning up after herself, stopped taking her dog outside for walks/to go potty, and didn’t pay for anything. I suggested therapy and offered to help her get a job near where I worked. I was bending over backward trying to help her. She declined all my suggestions and laid around all day. The final straw for me was when she "jokingly" said she loved living with me because it was like living with her mom and how she was “living her best life getting taken care of”. I gave her a 30 day formal notice to leave. I can’t afford to take care of another person. She said she would leave within 30 days. 

Yesterday before I left for work she was moving the rest of her stuff out. She gave me the key I gave her and asked if she could come back after I got off work to get her dog which I was fine with. It wasn't hostile,weird, and she wasn’t angry. After work I had to get gas and when I went to unlock my cashapp card the app was gone. I thought it was an issue with verizon  so I redownloaded the app. After I log back in I see that I have 13 cents left. I should have over $200. Instantly start freaking out thinking I got hacked or something, wondering why I never got an email saying a payment went through. I look at my recent transactions and see that “I” sent $230 to a guy with the note saying “I’m sorry baby”. 

I found the cashapp email saying I sent money to him in my trash folder. I look at the time it was sent,  7:45 am. She was alone in my apartment for maybe 15 minutes. Between me dropping my daughter off at school and me leaving for work. My phone needs a pin to unlock so I don’t know how she did it but she sent my money to her ex with the apology note. Uninstalled the app and went into my email app to delete the email but didn’t clear the trash folder. I sent a request to her ex and was instantly declined so I reported the transaction to cashapp which won’t do anything since “I” was the one to send it. 

I made a post on social media saying all of this with a screenshot of the cashapp transaction. Tagged her and tagged family members. The comments started with saying she could call the cops on me for kicking her out. How dare I only give her 30 days to find a place. Comments offering her a place to stay and they won't be a “greedy money hungry roommate” like me. She stayed rent free with me! Ate for free! One of her friends commented on her behalf saying I was the asshole for forcing her to go back to her ex and that I was putting her in danger. Her profile picture was changed to her and her ex but no one said anything about that. She did not send him money under duress or fear.

I was told "if you are that broke that you only have $200 you don't need to be eating out" and I’m wrong for “crying over not being able to doordash food”. I was saving that money to cover gas and food for the next 4 days while my daughter is hospitalized. The hospital is 4 hours away. This will be her 6th surgery in under a year. My daughter has AFRID and doesn’t like what the hospital offers for food. It stresses her out and gives her severe anxiety. She isn’t just a picky eater. We have made a tradition of getting doordash when she is in the hospital. (Yes the hospital is ok with this). This is a treat and incentive for her to be brave. I saved money specifically for this. Now my daughter doesn't get what I promised her.

And she left her dog. I found out she was only paying the monthly pet fee and not the deposit which should have been paid within a week of them staying with me. IDK why this wasn’t mentioned to me but I can’t keep this dog. I can not afford to keep the dog let alone a deposit fee. I don’t have a “village”. I had to claw my way out of the trenches on my own! I’m lucky I had $20 in cash for gas and I’m going to just have to hope it’ll be enough to get me there and back. She blocked me on everything. After I helped her for 4 freaking months. 

TL:DR; My “friend” sent her ex money from my cashapp account without permission but I’m the asshole for kicking her out and sending her back to her ex.

About a year ago, my 60 year old brother-in-law (Roger) reached out to my 11-year-old son and was encouraging him to ask me and my wife if he could spend a couple of days with him over either Halloween or Thanksgiving. He was saying that he would meet us halfway to pick him up and then a few days later, meet halfway to give him back. We live across the country and it is a 12 hour drive. He has seen my son maybe a handful of times at various family gatherings over the years.

When my son came and asked me I thought I should reach out to my Roger to get more information, so I called and left a voicemail and a text for him to get in touch with me. This was late on a Saturday morning. I didn’t hear from him all day. Around noon the next day I got ahold of my sister and told her that I was trying to get a hold of Roger, but he wasn’t returning my call and if he could please call me. A couple minutes later I got a call, but he had me on speaker where my sister could hear. I asked him to go off speaker so we could talk.

I asked him about the request and said that my wife and I really prefer those requests to be initiated with us because then if it doesn’t work, there’s no disappointment. Additionally, this makes sure that we as parents are always aware of what is happening.

Then I asked why he wanted my son to come up. He said that they connected and he wanted to hang out, play games, etc. I asked since he was going to drive 24 total hours for just a couple days, why they don’t just drive out so we can all spend time together. He answered that he knows that I don’t like him. At that point, every parental alarm was triggered. I told him that I certainly didn’t like him now and started asking extremely pointed questions about his true intentions (including why he didn’t want my daughter to visit too).

Long story short, I went nuclear, accused him of ill intentions, and cut him and my sister completely out of our lives.

AITAH?

This happened on Monday but looking for different perspective. I was heading to pick up our son and his friend asked for a ride home. I asked him to ask his mom, we gave her a call she said sure. She is good friends with my wife.

Now I knew he was allergic but did not know the mere smell of it could cause a bad reaction. Prior to picking him up I was munching on M&M peanuts. I put them away when he got in, but I guess some was still on my breath and he started to have a reaction.

Thankfully he is okay but my wife and her friend were livid and called me a lot of things. I tried to explain I never knew they were that bad. I apologized and said I would do better next time. I do feel bad, but they are acting like I am the worse person on the planet.

I asked how come they never told me he had such a serve case, she told me all cases are serve and I should always assume as such. She told me that since our kids are friends everyone around them should be nut free. This is where I am wondering if I am the asshole. If they told me he had it this bad I would have declined since I was munching on M&M peanuts prior.

IDK kind of annoyed and miffed by all of this so yeah am I crazy here or am I the assholeM

I’m a 31M and I’ve been with my girlfriend (32F) for 7 years. In that time, she has never had a job. This has been an ongoing issue in our relationship. She spends most of her time gaming and sleeping late, and contributes very little around the house. I’ve repeatedly tried to talk to her about working, school, or therapy, but every conversation ends with her crying and saying she feels overwhelmed or like a failure. Eventually I back off because I don’t want to upset her. A few years ago I told her she needed to either get a job or go to school. She chose school but dropped out after about a year and a half because it was “too stressful.” Since then, nothing has changed. I’m currently saving aggressively to buy a house. I’m selling things on eBay and cutting expenses so I can afford it on my own. My girlfriend has told me she wants to be on the mortgage because it would make her feel safe and secure. I told her we could look into it, but I’m not comfortable putting her on a mortgage when she has no income, no savings, and no plan to change that. In my mind, if nothing changes by the time I’m ready to buy, I plan to buy the house myself and ask her to move back in with her mom so I can start fresh. I haven’t said that part to her yet. Recently during an argument, I told her that part of the reason she feels stuck is because she doesn’t do anything to change her situation. She was extremely upset, and now I feel like I might have crossed a line. So AITA for refusing to put her on a future mortgage unless she gets a job or shows real effort toward being independent?

I won’t get into the backstory much but I’m (f21) 6 months pregnant. I was in a commited relationship with the father but he left when I was 4 months pregnant and hasn’t spoken to me since. So I’m living with my mom atm.

The last time I had intercourse was when I was 8 weeks pregnant (with the father) Besides the heartbreak of being abandoned, I’ve also been full of hormones and all that makes it so I just needed to blow off some steam. I recently reconnected with an old friend, we really clicked and one thing led to another so we ended up getting a bit “close” one time. (At his house btw)

For some reason my mom found out, maybe a good guess, maybe overheard me telling a friend? Now she’s furious because I’m out and about “having sex with everybody” and how can I direspect myself like that while pregnant. Mind you, I rarely leave the house so she knows that this was a one time thing and there is no “everybody”. And to put the cherry on the cake my mom used to be a sexworker and I remember during my childhood she would bring costumers over while I was also at the house, just told me to not leave me room until she was done. Which is just f’ed up so who is she to judge? She also has sexual relations with males friends sometimes, so it’s not like sex or fwb is a big taboo to her.

I told her that I’m an adult, I’m single (she knows the full story on my ex abandoning me), idk who this “everybody” is, and I’ve known that friend for over 10 years. I get that I’m pregnant but if I was still with the father I would’ve done it with him, just like she did with my father while pregnant, just like almost any pregnant woman would? However I don’t have the choice to do this type of activity with the father, so I chose a safe person I felt comfortable with🤷‍♀️

Is what Ive done really that bad? She’s seriously making me question it. Like am I really the asshole for choosing to do something with my own body just because I’m carrying another mans child?

(I will not answer any weird replies or any dm’s, I can already smell the creepy dm’s but I’m genuily looking for a honest normale opinion)

Hey guys, I wanted to get some second opinions because I feel like the last man standing. So my sister and I are twins, yes we argue which is normal but her treating me differently isn’t okay.

So were seniors, we are about to graduate in a few months which is crazy. Our school agreed for senior trip to be at the poconos, we had to pay a deposit so they could know how many students are going. My dad already paid in full for me but not my sister, this is what stated it all. My sister can’t go because she’s pregnant and she due in June, which the trip is being held and I don’t think they would allow her there knowing she’s due very close.

First she stopped talking to me when I would try to talk to her, she would talk about me to her friends, in class she would give me the sink eye. Somehow I’m being treated like this over something I didn’t do, she’s mad at the wrong person. Her baby dad is going on the trip but she’s not yelling at him, not talking shit about him, not giving him the stink eye but is blaming me. Honestly it’s their fault for getting pregnant during our last year in high school, no way was that my fault.

She’s always blamed me for things, just because she’s 3 minutes older doesn’t make it okay to do that. When we were younger I would be a people pleaser but now that I’m older I stop that, but when I stand up for myself then I’m the bad guy but okay. She went on for weeks, saying I don’t deserve to go since she can’t experience it, hope something happens so I can’t make it like seriously over a trip? I got sick of it so when she started again I told her it’s her fault that she can’t go so stop blaming me and blame herself or the baby father when he doesn’t help her, cheats on her, belittles her, call her out her name, become aggressive with her, and somehow she still respects him. And our mom took her side because that’s the only thing she does, enables her favorite daughter.